In the books of Théun Mares there is a lot of information about how to use our emotions, and also not suppressing our emotions. Here Théun highlights the main differences between suppressing and stepping over our emotions.

First of all, realise that suppression means the suppression of one’s KNOWLEDGE of something. For the sake of clarity we speak of suppressing our emotions, or suppressing our sexuality. But in reality what we are suppressing is our understanding or our knowledge of emotions, our knowledge of sexuality etc. What this means is that we IGNORE whatever knowledge we do have, in the sense that we do not apply the knowledge we do have, but instead PRETEND that we do not know what is going on for us.

Different people will use different ways in which to ignore their knowledge, and everyone will do it for different reasons. For example, one person may FEAR the consequences of becoming angry, and so every time he becomes angry he pretends to himself and others that he is NOT angry, and he will immediately try to shift the focus AWAY from his anger until the anger subsides.

Another person who may have grown up believing that sex is a sin, will do much the same, in that every time he feels sexually aroused or stimulated in whatever way, he will immediately pretend that he is NOT sexually aroused, and will desperately try to shift the focus to something else until the arousal has subsided.

This, of course, is using the technique of Not-Doing in a negative manner, and if perpetuated over a long period of time, the person concerned gradually builds what is termed a conditioned reflex in the nervous system which sets off an automatic shift in perception every time the FEARED emotion arises, and in time such an automatic shift becomes so powerful and subtle that eventually that person NO LONGER registers anger or sexual arousal or whatever else has been suppressed.

However, suppression of the emotion does NOT mean that the emotion or the sexual response, or whatever, no longer arises, but it means that the person concerned can no longer register, or more accurately, can no longer PERCEIVE the emotion within himself when it does arise, for he has to all intents and purposes blocked it out of his perception. This then starts what is termed in the books as the pressure cooker effect, for a time will come when the person concerned can no longer keep suppressing the suppressed emotion, and then the emotion in the MOMENT triggers ALL of the emotion that has been suppressed for years and years!

The result is always in the nature of a cataclysmic eruption that invariably leads to absolute violence, either a violence directed at the person who has caused the outburst, or else at the self, often resulting in severe mental trauma. Typical examples of this type of eruption are road rage, a woman shooting her husband, a man killing his children, temporary insanity, sudden strokes leading to permanent paralysis, chronic heart attacks, etc.

Stepping over an emotion is an altogether different kettle of fish, and a MOST useful technique! Stepping over an emotion is as simple as ACKNOWLEDGING one’s emotion, and then WORKING with it with SKILL IN ACTION! For example, if you become hugely angry, you acknowledge that anger to yourself and then USE it to fuel your clarity, your sense of courage and above all, your ACTIONS! In other words you make the anger work FOR you in the moment it arises!

This is equally true when you make yourself angry! Whenever you become angry at yourself, for whatever reason, instead of beating up on yourself for having been stupid or careless or slow or whatever else, you USE your anger to FIGHT against the behaviour that has made you angry! In other words, you say to yourself, “Okay! Enough is already enough of this behaviour! From now on I am going to make EVERY effort to not keep on INDULGING in this stupid behaviour that makes me feel shit about myself!” You will be amazed at how quickly one can break a HABIT or change a behaviour by USING one’s anger at oneself instead of INDULGING in feeling bad or guilty or sorry for oneself!

Although I have used only the example of anger, what I have explained here is equally true for all emotions as well as for mental responses and reactions.

Relevant Courses:

Journey of Adjustment – Relationships in General

Threshold to Excellence

Théun Mares
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Article Emotions Habits Suppression