The Far Reaching Effects of Feeling Guilty as a Parent

As parents, no matter what we do, we seem to automatically fall into the trap of feeling guilty about not doing a good enough job as a parent!

I am always striving to detach from this sense of guilt, because my little son very quickly learned how to exploit my sense of guilt – by manipulating me! And every time I have allowed this manipulation to happen, I keep proving to him that I am not only a crap father, but as his true male role model I am also digging our mutual hole deeper!

In this though I must take great care not to allow a persistent defaulting to the negative! Going that route leads me to nowhere, not even hope!

So having attended the “Power of the Male” course in 2013, why do I want to attend the “Quest for Maleness Workshop” in March 2016?

First of all, I have come to learn through experience that becoming a true male is one of the most difficult challenges on this planet – and any assistance is welcome! By assistance I do not mean me sitting back and expecting to be given “guidance”, so to speak, on a silver platter! No! I know I will have to apply myself in order to get what I need most.

Secondly, a good and valid answer to my question is that the format outlined for this forthcoming “Quest for Maleness Workshop” is likely to be a unique experience, one that I would very much like to explore.

And I may continue in this vein with more answers, which are good and valid, and which will be a reflection of the answers of at least nine out of ten participants.

But what about a unique answer? One that is specific to me.

It is a harsh reality that if I do not work at dismantling and then transmuting my social conditioning in general, as well as that social conditioning concerning how a true male is supposed to behave in particular, I will simply be passing my folly on to my son, thus making his task in his life that much more difficult!

There is no running away from this set up, but there is a huge difference as to whether I face some/all of my challenges – or try to run away from them! Either way, that is what I will pass on as the role model for my son.

This responsibility is of serious gravity to me indeed, yet it should not be paralysing if I remember that all that is required of me, or any one of us, is to be impeccable in all of my actions. As we are all in the process of learning, it is thus impossible to be perfect! But acting impeccably, each one of us can choose to do so at any given moment in time!

But this is a subtle, and a tough, full time job!

For example, a friend once shared a piece of guidance he had received and that went like this:

As parents we automatically fall into the trap of feeling guilty for not doing a good enough job as a parent, no matter what we do!

But if I do not strive always to detach myself from this sense of guilt, then my little son, being far more in touch with his emotions at his age and, therefore, with all the actual emotions and tensions all around him, very quickly learns how to exploit my sense of guilt in order to manipulate me, and in so doing he keeps proving to me that I am not only a crap father, but I am also digging our mutual hole deeper!

I know that in this I must take great care not to allow fanaticism and/or a persistent defaulting to the negative! Going that route leads to nowhere, not even hope!

From the “Power of the Male” course I know that the tools given are first and foremost practical tools, and I have to be practical in working with this guilt/manipulation challenge.

How?

By keeping it simple and constantly learning what is actually going on – and then changing what I know is not serving me!

In this process my son is adapting very fast!:-) If I make it clear for him that his plots no longer work, he simply leaves them behind! And then tries another! LOL!.

I can never be that fluid, but this is no excuse for anything. If I cannot make it fast, I will make it slow! LOL And I am doing my best!

This best also includes – in an obvious manner – attending the “Quest for Maleness Workshop”.